it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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