no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
