This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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