I think I am morally bankrupt
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
