i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
