one might say we're banned from that church
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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