In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
