I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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