dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
