I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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