im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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