just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
