Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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