while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
