Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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