sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
