So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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