I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
