What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have fence marks all over my body
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
