What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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