hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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