She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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