So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize