k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
