and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She bit a glass in half.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
