the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
