pedialite and red bull = repair kit
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
