I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
