She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
