ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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