Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
