Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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