A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
