Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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