we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
