I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
