you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
