I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
