So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Randomize
