if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
