hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
