She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize