I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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