dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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