i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
