please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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