I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
True college students do jello shots in the library
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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