a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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