The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My penis needs a shock collar
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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