Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
