Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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