I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
