great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Your dad touched me again.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
