IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
